Alright, fellow parents and accidental anthropologists, let’s talk about something that’s been haunting my household after sundown: my kid’s newfound fear of the dark. And by “newfound,” I mean it’s been a nightly ritual since he learned how to say, “Dad, can you leave the landing light on? And maybe the hallway light? And also, can you just sit here until I fall asleep?”

Now, as a dad, my first instinct is to comfort him. But as guy who spends far too much time pondering why humans are the way we are, my second instinct is to launch into a full-blown lecture about how his fear of the dark is basically a leftover from our caveman days—like an emotional vestigial tail.

The Caveman Chronicles: Why Darkness Used to Be a Big Deal
Here’s the scoop: back in the day, when our ancestors were running around in animal hides and trying not to become a sabre-toothed tiger’s appetiser, the dark was terrifying. It was prime time for predators to come out and turn early humans into a light snack. So, evolution was like, “Hey, let’s program these humans to be scared of the dark so they don’t wander into a cave and get eaten. Survival 101, folks.”

Fast forward a few millennia, and here we are: my son, clutching his stuffed T-Rex (ironic, since dinosaurs would’ve been way scarier than the dark), and me, trying to explain that his fear is basically a glitch in his evolutionary software.

The Modern World: Where Wi-Fi Beats Werewolves
“Hari,” I say, “you don’t need to be scared of the dark anymore. We’ve got Wi-Fi, smartphones, and Deliveroo. The only thing lurking in the shadows now is probably just your little brother trying to steal your toys.”

But nope, he’s not having it. To him, the dark is still a portal to a dimension where monsters, ghosts, and possibly that one creepy clown from It are just waiting to jump out and say, “Boo!” And honestly, I get it. Fear of the dark is like that one app on your phone that you never use but can’t bring yourself to delete. It’s just there, taking up space in your brain.

Dad’s Bag of Tricks: Nightlights, Stars, and Terrible Jokes
So, what’s a dad to do? Well, I’ve tried everything. Nightlights? Check. Glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling? Check. Telling him that monsters are actually scared of him? Double check. But the truth is, I think this fear is just part of being a kid. It’s like a rite of passage, along with losing your first tooth and learning that broccoli is not, in fact, tiny trees.

In the meantime, I’ll keep doing what dads do best: making terrible jokes, leaving the landing light on, and secretly hoping that one day he’ll outgrow this phase before I have to explain why the dark is less scary than my dad dance moves.

The Big Picture: Evolution vs. Chocolate Biscuits
So, to all the parents out there dealing with a tiny human who’s convinced the boogeyman is real, just remember: this too shall pass. And if all else fails, remind them that we’ve evolved to be at the top of the food chain. Sure, the dark might be spooky, but we’ve got opposable thumbs, smartphones, and next-day delivery. Who’s the real winner here?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a nightlight to change and a son to convince that the only thing he should be scared of is running out of chocolate milk.

Stay strong, parents. Evolution’s got nothing on us.

Love from Dad (and part-time caveman therapist) 🌌✨